Emptiness.

                                   

My eyes, filled with tears and heart, heavy with overflowing emotions, I couldn't seem to hold back. Nothing in that moment could possibly cease or even slow down the rate at which everything was happening. My mind was flooded with memories of the bygone days. I couldn't seem to understand why this roller coaster of emotions suddenly came onto me, as if it were attacking me. The room, like my heart, was half empty. Nothing, no matter what I tried to fill it up with, seemed to occupy that space, like it were reserved. For someone special. I thought that we'd drift apart, maybe never talk again, maybe I wouldn't be able to make the time for him, or at some point of time, we'd have nothing left in common. But that's where I was wrong. I found myself realizing something. When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind. 

I wondered how I was going to survive without the constant nagging of my brother, asking me to study. Carrying me from one room to the other when I was sick, or even too lazy. Frowning upon the perfectly good puns and classic jokes, not admitting that they were actually good. Asking me to make him something at probably even 2.30am. Covering up for me, asking Mom to spare me from her shouting if I'd done something bad just because he knew I was having a bad day too. Sitting beside me when I was really unwell and there was no one at home, and he had no clue of how to make me feel better. Playing Monopoly for 4 hours straight and staying up with me till 3.30am when he knew we both had to get up too early the next morning. The little inside jokes, sharing smirks and eye-rolls in public, he'd know exactly what I was referring to. It's hard to sleep when my heart is at war with my mind, juggling with the fact that you're just a call away, and that you're also so far away. What am I going to do for the next 4 years? It's just been a day. 

We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out, and maybe we'll even get through this journey of life. The pain and sorrows are Life Jackets in the Ocean, putting us on the right mindset, correcting our perspective towards life, and setting us on the right path. Our mistakes don't define us, but what you choose to do to correct those mistakes.

My brother shifted to Manipal University for 4 years, pursuing his interest in Computer Science, and I remember distinctly how much he tortured me during his 10th boards, and how I'd promised that I was going to trouble him even more.. but who knew he just wouldn't be here at all.