Fear of scars

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She sat there on her bed lightly caressing the blade in her hand. Various scenarios rushed through her mind. Repercussions, consequences, of what was about to take place. Her mind went to dark places. She thought about the various letters she'd written to every important person in her life and how those letters were hidden away, to be found at a time those very people would be able to understand, in the very least, why she did what she did. She thought about how she would glide that shining piece of steel over her waxen writing paper-like- skin. Her red river of life would flow out effortlessly and gracefully, as if it had been waiting for this day,to get out of the prison, she called her body. She thought about her marble tiles covered in liquid as if a water pipe burst in her room. How her mother would walk into a pool of slightly dried maroon, because by the time the sun rises, she'd be long gone. She thought about how this was the last straw, and she smiled.
Everything was on the verge of getting over. She was finally escaping. Walking away. Slicing away.
Various thoughts blocked her mind when she thought she was 
eventually at the end. She knew she'd wanted this for a long time, and it made her almost angry, or whatever was left of the things she could still feel, that she was scared of actually going through with it. What was she scared of? What did she fear?
Nothing in her life could be fixed through her eyes. Nothing could save her. No one she cared about enough, to not want to put them through the pain of living without her. 
What was stopping her?
She remembered her father telling her on several occasions how she was the bravest of them all, how she could overcome anything, and achieve whatever she desired, even death.
That was her last active brain cell, reminiscing how she was her dad's most precious, and maybe she made a grievous mistake, because as she stared at the photo frame on the wall across her as the blood flowed and her life got sucked out of her, everything seemed irrelevant. Immaterial. 





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